Another year has nearly passed. It's been an extremely eventful year, and perhaps it's beneficial to begin to try to take stock things. Perhaps a bit more after I finish my last exam on Monday.

On the night of December 31, 2008, I sat in my room in Oakville packing. I rummaged through my closet in the quiet of the night. The year prior to that night had been a massive build up of anticipation for what I would do on January 1, 2009. It was getting late (probably approaching 3 AM or so) and I think my mother was fairly worried about my packing, so she came in to try to help me pull things together. In the end, I over packed anyway. I finished up at around 5 AM, so history tells me. Remembering back now, I recall that it was my quasi-plan all along to stay up so late that night, in some crazy attempt to get over my jetlag before I even got on the plane.

But eventually, I got some sleep. And soon enough, my new year started with a drive to Pearson International Airport. The new terminal at Pearson is quite cold in appearance, yet, very modern. Arching metal supports hold up a vast ceiling with large pillars and yellow-green dot-matrix-like signs to indicate the different check-in counter rows. Checking in at the Air Canada counter, I was a bit disheartened to hear that they could only issue my boarding pass for the first leg of my journey. I would have to look for the Singapore Airlines counter when I arrived in Shanghai.

It was still early, and we hadn't eaten breakfast yet. But somehow, the check-in area of the terminal was fairly devoid of any attractive restaurants. There was a small make-shift coffee place. We sat there for a while. I swapped SIM cards with my sister. Someone had to make use of my wireless contract while I was away.

But soon it was time to head out.

Making our way over to the security checkpoint, we said our goodbyes as typically as possible. I hugged my parents and my sister and entered the secured area where they could not follow without a valid boarding pass. I quickly joined the screening line and then it subtly hit me that I would not see my family again for eight months. It was a bit of a strange feeling. Not entirely sad, as I knew I would be back here again. Just, strange. Granted, for a lot of you reading this, you may gawk at this sentiment, since you've probably lived away from home continuously for much longer periods of time. For me, however, four months (one academic semester or co-op work term) had been the longest I had ever had to do before that day.

I don't really remember all that happened after that. I may or may not have gone to the business lounge. Thanks to my father's company sending him on numerous business trips to Asia in the year prior, we had collected enough points to get me free business class tickets. Something that's quite a once in a life time thing. I never imagined that I'd be blessed enough to fly business class ever in my life.

Sometime soon enough, I boarded the plane. And of course, everything after that was a blur. I slept for most of the flight, feeling quite nostalgic the whole way. Thoughts about my friends crossed my mind quite a bit. UWCCF had become such a large part of my life over the two years prior to my departure. But of course, you cannot pack your friends in a suitcase (well, safely and/or legally at least).

Many hours later (probably something in the order of 14 or 16 hours), I landed in China for the first time in my life. Specifically, in Shanghai. More specifically, in the Pudong region. Yes, the air looked different. I was told more recently that it was probably blowing sand that I saw.

It was good to be able to step off the plane after so many hours. I disembarked and slowly looked around - I was tired from the flight. Perhaps I should have just kept on moving with the crowd. But I didn't, and eventually everyone had moved on, and I looked as lost as ever. Sometime close to midnight and everything in the airport looked closed.

Somehow through a combination of whatever really bad Mandarin I could force out and pestering people enough till I could at least get them to try to speak English to me, I managed to navigate my way through Shanghai Pudong Airport, and actually ended up outside the secure area. I learned later that this airport didn't have any baggage transfer facilities, which explains why I had to pick up my luggage (行李 as I learned that night), exit the airport, sleep with it through the night until the SIA counter opened, check it in again, and then re-enter the airport. (Incidentally, jumping ahead, transiting through Beijing on my way back to Toronto was much, much easier than transiting through Shanghai Pudong).

Regardless, I felt relaxed once I got my boarding pass and checked in my luggage. This time, I remember going to the lounge. I only wish the SIA counter opened 8 hours before my flight, rather than just 1. I sat in the lounge for a bit and enjoyed the free internet connection, as well as some light food. The terminal gate area was otherwise empty.

Soon enough though, I was able to board the plane for the last leg of my flight: off to Singapore.

The SIA flight was very empty. There was no one in the seat beside me. Not that it mattered anyway. I was so tired that I slept for most of the flight again.

Some hours later, I arrived in Singapore. It was something like 5 AM in the morning. It was very warm. And my thick UW-branded sweater was making me sweat. Regardless, over a year of preparation, and I had made it.

And the rest, I suppose, would set the tone for the next year of my life. And quite possibly, well into the future.

So it's been nearly two weeks since returning from Singapore. Adjusting back in terms of culture and what not hasn't been too big of an issue considering that as far as Asian countries go, Singapore is pretty modernized. I mean, it's cleaner than Toronto.

Things are of course different now. New house, and new faces. Heck even Oakville Transit is changed their bus routes last week.

I had been busying myself with unpacking and cleaning my room last week, and should have been working on my work report over the past week. On top of the work report, however, the next few days will also find me busied with gathering whatever provisions I need for returning to Waterloo. I will be moving in this Saturday.

4A is a bit of a surreal feeling in a way. I'm almost done. UW's Daily Bulletin is the default page opening in my email client, and today's top story is of arrival of all the new frosh. The headline photo depicts a mother carrying a box with presumably her son behind her returning to the car to fish out another load. The location of the photo is clearly V1, judging from the reddish-brown bricks with narrow windows visible at the fringe of the photo.

It is a photo of an event that is familiar to nearly every Waterloo student who otherwise lives in southern Ontario. A lot of me can't believe that it had been exactly four years ago since I was in the exact same situation.

And now looking at myself, I am nearing the end of my career at Waterloo. And having completed my exchange to Singapore is even more significant since it was just over four years to the date that I first ever envisioned going away for exchange while sitting at a general engineering info session somewhere inside RCH.

Now it's all over. Those four years of anticipation for the date that I'd fly off to study in a foreign country are now something of the past. The hope and fear of whether or not I'd be able to hold an average to be accepted into the exchange. The question of whether or not I'd be able to be selected given Singapore's popularity. The uncertainty of the application process. Using up a weeks worth of lunch breaks at Raytheon in order to gather all the required approval signatures required for the application. With respect to my application to NUS, the last minute fear of my renunciation of Singapore citizenship. All these were seemingly major steps in my eventual departurIt has been two weeks since I returned from Singapore. Eight months since I arrived in Singapore. One year since I received confirmation of my exchange. Nearly two years since I ran for UWCCF committee. Three years since I first stepped foot into UWCCF. Four years ago since I met my current housemates. Five years ago since I received my acceptance offer into UW. Six years ago since I submitted my OUAC application online to the University of Waterloo, the University of Toronto, and Wilfrid Laurier University. e for Singapore. But perhaps lingering in my mind a bit stronger however, is the actual time that I spent in Singapore. Never at the beginning of my career in Waterloo could I have imagined studying in Singapore, let alone working in Singapore. And yet it all came to pass as I was blessed with such an opportunity. I still remember sitting on the ground after a KEVII IHG volleyball practice suddenly realizing, that I had made it.

So here I am, back in Canada, left currently with primarily photos and Facebook contacts. Perhaps still quite naive about life. Yet probably not as naive as before. Hopefully not cynical.

Waterloo has pretty much been a blur.

A lot of pride has been shaken out of me. And perhaps I'm still trying to piece different thoughts and aspects of my life, both secular and spiritual, together.

It has been two weeks since I returned from Singapore. Eight months since I arrived in Singapore. One year since I received confirmation of my exchange. Nearly two years since I ran for UWCCF committee. Two years since I applied for exchange. Three years since I first stepped foot into UWCCF. Four years ago since I met my current housemates. Four years since I first planned to go on exchange. Five years ago since I received my acceptance offer into UW. Six years ago since I submitted my OUAC application online to the University of Waterloo, the University of Toronto, and Wilfrid Laurier University.

I cannot even begin to imagine how different things would be had I accepted U of T's offer for Engineering Science, as opposed to UW's offer for Systems Design.

And it's strange to see that my sister is about to embark on her own journey soon. OUAC and college applications are always due before the end of the year.

... Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

While this is only the end of Paul's prayer for the Ephesians, I am always really struck by the phrase, "immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine."

In a way, it has been something that has been characteristic of a lot of things I have seen over the past year. In some sense, I am feeling humbled by how amazing God is and how silly I am to think that I know anything at all.

Last weekend was the UWCCF winter retreat. Although I missed it since I am currently in Singapore, discussion regarding its planning began in late 2008, while I was still in Canada. In particular, the inevitable topic of the speaker came up again. Some how, the speaker I had originally invited to the 2008 fall retreat became a possible choice again.

In many ways, I didn't know what to think. I didn't have much of an opinion. I think by then, I had sorted out some of the initial worries I had in August 2008. But at the same time, I didn't want to make a decision regarding it either way. Of course though, me being the only person personally knowing the speaker, I had to make some kind of recommendation.

Regardless of whether or not my recommendation affected the decision making process or not, the speaker was invited to the retreat, and brought a team up from my home church to conduct the retreat.

And surely, when people gather to seek God's face, He meets them powerfully and does immeasurably more than one could ever ask for or imagine.

I heard a few initial testimonies regarding people's experiences at the retreat (if you have are a UWCCF member and haven't done so yet, please do register for our forums and check out the testimonies thread). From these testimonies, it was clear people were set free from past afflictions and given a renewed sense of God's love for them. I can't quite put it into words - the testimonies speak for themselves. But healing took place and it sounds like people were deeply moved.

At hearing this, I was very excited for UWCCF. The issue of healing and deliverance has been something on my mind for UWCCF, but I just never knew how to bring it up. So in the end, I'm really glad that healing took place.

In addition to the excitement, I also had some questions and slight frustration with myself regarding the whole fall retreat ordeal. I began to question myself if I had truly done the right thing to switch speakers last minute. Was I getting in the way of what God wanted to bring into UWCCF?

I spoke to a few people about it initially, ranging from my mom, to a friend from my home church who helped conduct the winter retreat, to a friend from UWCCF not aware of the situation that occurred before the fall retreat.

All of them were somewhat confident that it was for the better. But of course, one can only speculate.

I spoke to the current UWCCF vice chair for a bit about the retreat, and he shared with me a bit more detail about the retreat. As he shared, I was encouraged and moved. I was truly amazed at once again, how God had truly come through and did what He wanted. He met His people. Again, immeasurably more than I could ever ask for or imagine.

So in the end, I still don't know whether or not I had made the right decision earlier in August 2008. All I do know though is that UWCCF is on an exciting path. And all I know is that I think I should be greatly humbled by this whole series of events.

For now I can truly say that it was not me who brought change to UWCCF, but God. If I had on my own volition brought the team from my church to UWCCF and had an amazing retreat as a result, I think that I may have become prideful. So instead, perhaps it was truly for the better that my only role in this whole thing was to open communication between my church and UWCCF. After that, I have no part. God met people on His own. It was not because I invited my church to come. It was because God always does immeasurably more than one could ever ask for or imagine.

Did I screw up? Maybe, maybe not. All I know is that God still worked out everything for His glory.

I pray that I would continue to seek after God's heart and not be swayed by the thoughts and fears of my flesh.

Retiring my name tag, for the next 8 months. I don't actually know how useful the name tag is though, as I don't normally wear it in a visible location.

At any rate, it's the end of the term. I helped a friend pick up food for people who were still studying at SLC on Tuesday. This time around, we ordered food from the typical Mikey's Eatery. It's a Canadian-Chinese restaurant with Christian owners, whose daughters actually study at UW. As such, it's become a bit of a default UWCCF meeting location when people can't decide where they want to hold a meeting over food. A nice small simple place, and it's always quite comfortable when you know some of the people working there.

We brought the food back and ate together in the food court. Shortly after, people quick returned back to the third floor to continue studying. I hung around a bit upstairs afterwards waiting for a friend. And soon enough, it was time to go. Said my goodbyes to everyone, as it would be a good year before I see anyone again. Moreover, some I would likely not see again anytime in the foreseeable future, as they will be graduating while I'm away in Singapore.

Overall, it was a very nice way to spend my last night in Waterloo.

And thus ended my 16 month stay in Waterloo. Not much by many people's standards, but a lot by what I would have ever expected me to last haha.

This is part 4 of a 4 part series. You can also read Part 3.

Fall 2008
It was my fifth co-op term, and my second term serving on committee. The least of my worries and cares should have been behind me. Or so I thought. The stretching of my faith and challenging of my beliefs had only just begun.

The challenges for this past term, which just ended yesterday for me, were set in place at the end of the Spring 2008 term. Only, I didn't realize it at the time, because they hadn't cropped up on me.

One of the first orders of business for kicking off the new 2008/2009 school year is UWCCF's annual fall leadership retreat. This retreat is intended for members of UWCCF who are currently in, or are interested in taking up leadership positions within the fellowship.

Our vision for the new year is, quote:

To be a Spirit filled, Spirit led fellowship, grounded in the Word, who know, love and worship our Father in heaven, evangelizing to and discipling everyone around us as Christ did.

It's a pretty cool vision statement, and is for the most part taken directly out of Jesus' Great Commission that he gave before ascending to heaven.

Most any Christian would be cool with this, but there is an aspect of the first two clauses that sometimes is a bit controversial, Spirit filled and Spirit led.

What does that even entail?

From my pure unscientific and uneducated observations, if you ask a Pentecostal Christian, they will likely tell you that you know you are Spirit filled when you speak and pray in tongues. Ask a Charismatic or Vineyard Christian, and they might start talking about prophecy, gifts of healing, as well as other physical manifestations such as shaking/falling or feeling physical warmth or heat.

But what if you take a survey sample from UWCCF? Consisting of mainly Alliance, Evangelical or Baptist Christians, they will likely answer with something regarding conviction of sin, or perhaps even being filled with the Word (again from my observations). In some cases, they may not even know what to say.

A point that the elected chair made early on in our planning for the new year was that UWCCF, coming from the background that it does, often lacks education or exposure to the Holy Spirit. It is, after all, a member of the trinity. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. All Christians will acknowledge that the it is a biblical part of who God is. But is that all?

As such, it was decided that the new year would begin to seek to have the fellowship learn about exactly who the Holy Spirit is, and exactly what its role is.

Myself coming into this whole thing was pretty amazed at the concept. Introduce the Holy Spirit to UWCCF? What a novel idea! (Read: I come from a charismatic background).

For the fall retreat, the chair short-listed a workshop about the Holy Spirit as one of the afternoon sessions. However, it appeared that no one knew of any suitable teacher for the subject, so it was likely going to be scrapped altogether.

At that, I felt that I should say something. Knowing my background and the resources I have available to me at my home church, I felt that I would easily be able to find someone to speak on the subject. I proposed it, and the workshop remained. Moreover, it was actually decided that the speaker I would bring would be the main speaker, as opposed to a workshop speaker.

I was quite surprised with the outcome. Surely God was about to break some new ground in UWCCF. Surely I was here for a reason.

Perhaps that's where things went downhill (perhaps that's a poor choice of words... uphill? Things got tough, but I don't think the events that ensued were bad. If anything, they were actually good. Good for my faith and for that of the fellowship, as I shall write about a bit further down). Motive check. Why exactly did I want to bring a charismatic speaker in to UWCCF? Yes, to introduce the Holy Spirit to UWCCF. But looking at myself honestly, I think it would be safe to admit that there was probably a bit of self-righteousness or pride about the whole issue.

You see, coming from a charismatic background, certain more experiential aspects of Christianity are fairly commonplace to me. So I believe now that those experiential aspects had brought me to a place of subconsciously seeing myself as more spiritually mature than my non-charismatic brothers and sisters. Big, big no-no when you're in a place of leadership. On second though, big, big no-no regardless.

I don't think I fully grasped that at the time, and I went ahead and opened up a line of conversation with my old youth preacher, who is fairly charismatic and has done a lot of ministry in native communities across western and northern Canada.

Things were almost set and I was anxious with both an anticipation for great things, but also an air of uncertainty about how UWCCF would take it.

I think it was around that time that God broke me down. Something came up, and I still am not too sure what prompted it within me. But long story short, certain questions in my mind started coming to light regarding what exactly I believed about my faith with respect to manifestations of the Holy Spirit, etc. It became enough that I could no longer responsibly bring my original speaker to the retreat. I only write a short paragraph on this, but in my heart and mind at that point in time, I was so conflicted that I was at a loss for how to proceed.

In a rather lengthy email, I drafted up my concerns to the rest of committee. I was hoping for some kind of direction from them, but realistically, I knew that I was the only one in a position to make a decision.

After some prayer, tears, and talking with various people from my church, I made my decision.

For that season, I felt that I would not bring in my original choice. Instead, I called up the associate teaching pastor from my church, asking him if he would like to come instead. Perhaps this decision was made out of fear and lack of faith. But I knew that from a practical and humanly point of view, this other pastor was a much better choice. Reason being that he comes from a Methodist background, and is one who always teaches from the Word in a way that I know would fit the way that UWCCF members would respect.

He brought an interesting experience set to the table in that he is a non-charismatic teacher working in a charismatic church. I felt that, again from a practical perspective, because of this background, he would be a very logical and reasonable fit for the task.

By this point, you can clearly see how my direction for the fall retreat had changed. I started off wanting to bring in the Holy Spirit in the way that I was familiar with it - in terms of experience and power. But by the end of my deliberation, I had changed my mindset from that into one wanting to bring in a very, for lack of a better word, academic approach to the teaching.

Whether or not my decisions were correct, and whether or not they were truly made from a spiritual decision making process, I don't know.

But what I do know is that out of that, the retreat turned out to be a very challenging retreat for people. Even the "toughest critics" in UWCCF were blown away with the teaching. And this is in a way that actually sat well with them. Again, perhaps that was a problem for me in itself - wanting everything to sit well with people. But regardless of my own personal inhibitions, when I reached the last night of the retreat thinking back to all that had transpired, I couldn't help but give praise to God.

Two things happened. Firstly, for myself, I was set on a journey of searching and seeking after God's heart. I think that for the longest time, I had not taken true ownership of my faith, always going after what people told me was good, but never trying to look at things myself. And secondly, for the fellowship, I know that the pastor I invited did an amazing job at challenging people's beliefs in a way that they were able to open up to.

And thus, the fall retreat was the highlight of the past term. I don't think that I've fully been able to describe the difficulties I went through in the months leading up to the retreat. So just know that it was probably one of the most stressful things I've gone through in my entire university career so far. And also know that coming out of it, God was so faithful that, in spite of my shear and utter fleshly foolishness, He made the retreat something good for Himself. He pulled through where I couldn't and spoke to people on a level that was exactly what we as a committee had hoped to have.

The retreat ended there, but my own personal challenges continued.

This made it a bit difficult at times to serve on committee, as truthfully, I felt that I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I felt that I was being a detriment to the committee, rather than a complement.

I'm not sure how things actually were, from the perspective of others. Regardless, I was there. And regardless of the fact that I was on committee, I had to continue to work out the questions and thoughts in my mind (about the Holy Spirit).

I won't go into all the details, but in a nutshell, I was struggling with my emphasis and focus with respect to my faith and the Holy Spirit. I slowly came to a realization that I had made the erroneous assumption that operating in the Holy Spirit equaled spiritual maturity.

But really, this is not so. In actual fact I now feel that a lot of the things we do in UWCCF, or in church as a whole, are not necessarily signs of spiritual maturity. It is never about how much you do. Leading ten Bible studies in one week does not necessarily mean you're spiritually mature. Prophesying accurately over someone's life does not necessarily mean you're spiritually mature. Speaking in tongues does not necessarily mean you're spiritually mature. Exercising the gift of healing does not mean you're spiritually mature.

There are a couple passages that speak to me about this. Firstly, there is a time when Jesus is speaking to his disciples about the end of the age. These are his words in Matthew 7:

Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?'

I think it speaks for itself when you see that operating in spiritual giftings does not necessarily equal doing the will of the Father.

The other passage that spoke to me is taken from John 3, when Jesus is speaking to the Pharisee, Nicodemus:

"You are Israel's teacher," said Jesus, "and do you not understand these things? I tell you the truth, we speak of what we know, and we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony. I have spoken to you of earthly things and you do not believe; how then will you believe if I speak of heavenly things?

It's not just the knowledge that will get you by either. Being a Pharisee, Nicodemus was very well grounded in the book of the law. Yet, he couldn't understand the mystery of the Kingdom.

So what then is important? Through talking with people and listening to people talk this term, I've began to see for myself that what is critical, above all else, is love. It sounds so cheesy when I put it that way. But it's so important.

Consider the fact that Jesus' greatest commandments were to love God with everything that you are, and then after that, to love everyone around you as you would love yourself. Jesus didn't say that you should go heal people. Rather, you should love them, and then out of that, perhaps you will heal them out of that love. Jesus didn't say to run Bible studies for people. Rather, you should love them, and then out of that, perhaps you will run Bible studies to encourage and strengthen their walk with God out of that love.

1 Corinthians 13 speaks to me about this to a degree:

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I known in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

And so that's where I am today. With a bit of a re-focused paradigm. Trying to not focus on the gifts and results of love, rather, trying to focus on that love itself such that the other things will come naturally out of that.

I know it seems so fundamental and simple. But whenever you are in a position of serving, especially in a highly organized, structured and time-constrained fellowship like UWCCF, it can become easy to lose sight of this and just see what needs to get done for program's sake.

There's probably a lot more that I can write. But for the most part, this brings me to the last culminating email I sent to committee, which touched one some of these points.

Where to go from here? To Singapore, I suppose. And I really hope and pray that I can reground my faith into an even deeper love of my God and of those around me.

Knowing all this is only the beginning. I think, at large, this still needs to filter to my heart and to my being as a whole.

So all together, these past 16 months in Waterloo have been amazing, to say the least. I've grown a lot, but I know that I still have so much more to learn. I'll see what happens in Singapore.

Looking forward to it all.